Small World

"It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to paint it." - Stephen Wright

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Today's post, brought to you in part by Tennessee Ernie Ford and Lego Brand Blocks.

"You want fries with that?"

My wife has already deemed this the perfect blog moment - and she doesn't 'get' the whole blogging thing. She understands it, but the question to her is 'why'?

Anyway... we all decided to go to the Children's Expo this afternoon after meeting up for lunch at the mall. We heard about coupons for $2 off admission available at McDonalds. I hate McDonalds. That shouldn't matter, but it does in this story, even if just a little bit. Again, anyway... I stopped by McDonalds on my way to meet them at the expo, saw the coupons sitting there on the counter. I thought I'd be a complete schmoe if I just grabbed the coupons and didn't order anything, so I said the first thing that came to mind, "Three medium fries." They're the only thing besides a Sausage McMuffin that I can stomach at McDonalds. Immediately, I remember that we were going to meet for lunch, but I figured the three of us could snack on them on our way to lunch. When I got the bag, it was filled with fries. Evidently, the medium is larger than I remember.

I paid for my fries, and quickly began to look for someone to give them too. I knew that my wife would consider this a big mistake in light of the fact that we were going to lunch anyway, that the coupons were free for the asking, and that there was way too much for the three of us even if we weren't going to lunch. I couldn't find anyone and began wondering if I could make it downtown to give them to a homeless person and still make it back to the mall in time. I decided not to risk it.

I made it to the mall with about 15 minutes to wait. So, I decided to conduct a little human experiment. I sat on a bench, munching on fries and waited for a break in the foot traffic. When it came, I got up from the bench and walked away, leaving my bag o' fries behind. Fresh, hot fries for the taking. And so the experiment began. I lurked many feet away from the target and watched as several people passed the bench. Some passed by with no attention to the conspicuous bag without an owner. A few would take notice but keep walking. Fewer still, but much more interestingly, would slow their pace long enough to peek over the edge of the bag but to no avail, until... a young ice skater walked by the bag and peek into it. She looked around and walked away. I was disappointed until she came back moments later with two other skating buddies. The three of them poked at the bag, touched the sides to discover that it was still hot, conferred with each other and... uggh... walked away. I was so close. I thought for sure that the evidence of my blunder would be gone.

I answered my wife’s call on the cell phone and went to the parking garage to meet them. I couldn't keep the secret and we walked by the bench to investigate only to find the bag gone. I had missed the conclusion of my experiment I'd worked so hard for. I'd like to think that someone came by, saw the steaming bag of fries and thought, "Hey, free fries." and went on their merry way without a second thought. But the mall janitor probably came by and threw them away. I'll stick with the first dream rather than the probably reality.

The perfect blog moment… The fries cost me $5.05. A bit over a dollar more than the two $2 off couplons were worth in the first place.

"Nah Nah Nah Nah, Nah Nah Nah Nah, Nay Nay Nay, Goodnight!"

I'm happy to report, with little effort on our part, my daughter - in one day - has fallen asleep on her own twice - once for her nap and again that night. Sure there was some crying. Sure we wanted to go back in. But in less than 30 minutes from when we took her up, she was asleep. Not nearly as hard as we though it'd be.

I know, there's no guarantee that it'll work again today, or as time goes on - but we sure hope it does, and we'll do what we can to help her make that happen.

In the process, I rediscovered, as I often do, that my wife is amazing. She was scared to do it, but did it anyway, and did it well. And I rediscoverd, as I often do, that my daughter is amazing. Everything is new and different - and she relishes that. Why don't adults?

I'm so proud of them!

WooHoo... she's sleeping on her own!

"Rock-A-Bye-Baby..."

I'm on a mission. To be putting my toddler to bed at a reasonable hour, all of us happy and content at the fact - within 30 days. It's something we should have been working on long before now, but what is, is, and now we have a 14 month old who's still up at 10:00pm most nights, fighting going to sleep. My wife and I literally don't get anything done during the evenings because it takes both of us to get the job done.

She really is an amazing baby. Once she is asleep, she sleeps through the night 99% of the time and has for a long time. We absolutely have no complaints - she's happy, playful, smart as a whip, kind, loving, and sweet as can be. If there's fault to be handed out - it's ours, not hers. She just wants to keep going, doesn't want to miss out on anything. Our frustration is shameful at times, and it doesn't create an aire of success to the end of the day - and we don't get a break.

So, instead of the poor us victim game, we're going to help her and help ourselves at the same time. Some research and reading, a change in our habits and routines, and 'enter the sandman.' It's time we all grow up and enter the next stage of our development.

More on this, I'm sure - hopefully success stories!

The itch that can't be scratched

Pop-ups, pop-unders, superimposers, and whatever else the latest trend in web advertising has to be stopped. I know some websites need this revenue to stay afloat, but it's kinda like composing a really good song just to have a voice over before, during, and after it, saying 'Eat at Joe's' or 'Burmashave'. It's like painting a really good oil color and putting a bumper sticker for 'Magic Mountain' in the middle of it. It's like designing a really cool dress and sewing a tag into the middle of it for 'The US Postal Service'.

I've already stopped going to many websites that extend this opportunity to advertisers - but since I can't readily boycott at least some of the websites that do this (though I am searching for alternatives) I'm boycotting the advertisers themselves.

That's right Refinance.com/BLS Funding, The Zone Powered by EDIETS, Performance Wizard, AOL, Network Solutions, Orbitz, Sylvan Learning Center, SAAB, Expedia, autobytel.com, and half a dozen more that I'm sure I'll add to this list. No chance of ever getting money from me - even if you have something I need or want. I'll find it somewhere else, or jerry-rig something better out of parts from my garage, Radio Shack and yard sales.

I know I may actually be advertising for these culprits by listing them here, but my hope is that it's BAD advertising. I'm sure you have your own list. The main thing is that we don't do anything that would give them the indication that their way of targeting us is, in any way, shape or form, working. The theory being that if it's not working for them, they'll do something else. This is one level lower than actually burning them in effigy in an effort to show the adverse effects that it's doing to my internet experience.

Now, on to: identity theft, spam, bad website design, sites that require payment for features that ought to be free, and all those other things that ruin the internet for everyone.

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Today's post, brought to you in part by the Barenaked Ladies Blog and the Nabisco Corporation.

"For I believe... in yesterday."

I just left my family downstairs, coming up to work on a big project with a looming deadline. I love the fact that my daughter was working on moving her magnetic letters from the refrigerator to a tupperware bowl like it was her master's thesis. Serious, precise, undaunted. I love the fact that my wife was singing "Yesterday" while hiding a piece of candy I'd planned on bringing up with me - then innocently asking, "Aren't you going to take your candy?".

Just a few hours later we were laughing in the kitchen when I was making a big deal about taking the garbage out when the bag let loose from the bottom and I pulled up nothing but a plastic sleeve. She thought it was the funniest thing she'd ever seen, and my daughter was in her high chair laughing at her laughing.

But now, I'm off to try to finish up this phase of the project before I fall asleep at the wheel - but "I believe, in yesterday".

Was I Snoring?

"A cat that catches mice does not meow." - Chinese Proverb


I was disturbed the other night by the discovery, at around 2am, as I rolled over in bed, of my cat, sitting on my nightstand, staring at me. I was even more disturbed as the first thought that went through my head was, "I'm sorry, was I snoring."

If you're the kind of person who's studying the dates of my blog and noticing that it's been a long stretch since I've written something - shame on you! You're missing the point. The content is the thing, not the regularity (though I'm a fan of being regular).

It's kinda like people - as I was reminded of by being treated as an unintelligent sub-human being without worth or valor by my bosses boss. My boss, who doesn't do much really, is on vacation. That'd be great actually, if I didn't have to fill in for him and accomplish something he ought to have done better a long time ago. It was implied that I don't know how to read a chart, that I don't listen, and that I'm ill-equipped to do what's asked of me. At least that's how I took it. Who knows, maybe all of that's true. I'd be crushed if I really thought that it was true. I'm not crushed, just angry and now, wiser as to who I'm dealing with. The funny thing is, now all she'll get is the image of my respect due her because of her station here at work. I'd much rather respect her as a human being, as I'd have her respect me as well, but that's evidently not going to happen.

I'll be the consistent one. I'll be the genuine one. I'll be the honorable one.

Or at least I'll act like it.

Rant: Customer Service

"You shall judge of a man by his foes as well as by his friends." Joseph Conrad

Rudeness. Almost nothing gets to me more, especially when someone's rudeness drenches me personally. I don't really care if you hate your minimum wage job, I came in to buy something and part of my hard earned money goes toward that minimum wage you're all to happy to pocket - and for my money I dare to want in exchange more than just the things I bought (I could have gotten them anywhere and probably for less) for they are only things. I don't care if you're on your hurried way to something that you've deemed to be so much more important than extending a little common courtesy to me and everyone else around you, I'm a fellow human being on this planet with you and forget karma it's just plain wrong to treat everyone else as sub-species simply because all you can think about is you. This selfish arrogance is the sludge that makes society itch.

Instead, try an acknowledgement of my mere existence for a start. You need not through yourself at my feet, thanking me for my small percentage of contribution to your paycheck. I don't want that, save it for someone who's throwing their money around. Mine is too hard to come by. But do recognize that I'm the customer, one of many whose evidence of coming to your store makes your job possible. Come to realize that I'm on my way to somewhere too, and it may not be important to you, but since I'm doing it, it's important to me. Consider the fact that the only reason I, and other people you've come across today, haven't spit on your shoe or allowed that elevator door to slam in your face is that for whatever reason, we're not playing the same 'me' game you are.

A smile even as if to say, 'Hey, you're a human being aren't you... me too.' Giving one doesn't mean you have to let go of that 'poor me' thought going through your head, even though you might find it hard to keep that thought when you're willing to connect, even in that miniscule way, with another 'poor me', because really... you're not alone.

A reasonable 'Hello', verbalized so that I can hear it and so that I don't have to wonder if it was for me. Eye contact, though brief, is unfortunately mandatory unless you want me to think you're welcoming your ID or EGO back into full consciousness. It doesn't mean we're best friends or that you'll have to listen to my life's story, it's just a customary greeting when another human being enters your view for the first time that day. It may be because that person is desiring something to which you'll need to give at least a little time or effort to, or it might just be that that person deserves to not be invisible to you, even if just for a moment.

A 'Have a good day', or 'Thank you'. Not like you're daring me to have a good day or thanking me for finally having stopped kicking your dog. Heartfelt, at least somewhat, or faked so I wouldn't know the difference. You might secretly be hoping that I fall and trip the moment I'm off the property, but I wouldn't know it. It might be the last time you see me, and you can be nearly positive that it will be if all I get is a muffled monotone made mandatory by your manager.

A little of your better side rather than the blank rudeness, so that in some small way, you can begin to be part of the solution rather than continuing to be part of the problem.