Strawberries

Despite terrorist threats, high gasoline prices and the NBA Western Conference Finals - it's strawberry season in Oregon!

You Know You're a Daddy When...

I'm sure I'll be adding to this post as time goes by...

• You know the importance of Goldfish Crackers
  
• You find yourself humming the "Goodbye" song from Bear in the Big Blue House
  
• Translating what's said from behind a binky is no problem
  
• You're constantly smiling
  
• You can drive, sing "Itsy Bitsy Spider", take off sneakers and hand her a sippy cup of apple juice, all simulatneously
  
• Four words: I love you Daddy
  
• You can easily brag about the bath time scars on your knees, elbows and eyebrow
  
• You know the words to the Wiggles' "Mash Potato, Mash Potato" song, and sing it with the correct pronounciations
  
• You've cleaned up vomit at 3:00am
  
• Instant cold sweats hit you when she begins to come down the stairs backwards while holding the cat
  
• Four more words: I gotta poopy diap!
  
• You tip more because of the mess left on the resturant floor
  
• You're an expert in car seat safety, taking over an hour and risking a hurnea putting one in
  
• What used to take moments now take minutes, what used to take minutes now takes an eternity
  
• You'll happily sit through a retelling of every little thing she saw on the way to the park
  
• You avoid mentioning that hamburger comes from cows
  
• You and your wife spell every other word
  
• Your life has come down to picking up tiny bits of paper that used to be on the crayons, that are now broken
  
• Four more words: Can I eat it?
  
• You finally figure out how to work the Diaper Genie - just in time for potty training
  
• Reading materials are now about parenting and Disney Babies
  
• You can't wait to get a hug and kiss
  
• You take orders from a two year old, and don't complian... much
  

The Quick and The Dead

I'm writing this post during a network outage at work. Seems as though we've been cut off from the internet, and our own internal servers - leaving most of us to figure out what to do.

Like most, I've; played solitare, cleaned my desk, played pinball, and listened to CDs. I've organized my inbox, desktop files, eaten chocolate covered raisins, and talked on the phone. I've seen the actual weather outside, debated with co-workers on whether or not the entire internet has gone down or we're just cut off, dinked around on my PocketPC, gingerly harrassed the IT guy who's working on the situation, and watched those around me aimlessly exist.

Evidently, we have access to our SQL database once again. I'll try to do some actual work now, but I have a feeling I'll be back to this post soon...

...OK, I was able to squeeze in about 45 minutes of worthwhile work in the database. Now what? I'm sure I'd have a better idea if I wasn't so far down the dangerously steep learning curve. Sometimes I beat my head on my desk because I feel like I have short-term memory loss when it comes to this job and other times I sit back in my chair and feel the warmth of blissful ignorance.

Fresh Face

In an attempt to breathe a bit of fresh air into my blog, I've changed its look. I went with one of bloggers new templates rather than tweak my old look to the degree I was looking to tweak it. Once I backed up my old blog, I chose which template I could live with for now and then set the blogger wheels in motion. Right now, half of my blog is showing up in the new style, a quarter is showing up in the old style and another quarter is MIA. I'm wishing now I had the time to tweak the old style because this is more work than I'd hoped for. Thank you blogger.

I have, however, managed to get my lovely wife to set-up her very own blog. She's one of the funniest people I know, and most who know her wouldn't believe me. I hope even some of her humor comes through her postings. Here-to-fore, she hasn't really gotten the whole blogging thing but recently began reading my blog and it didn't take much of a push to get her to sign-up.

It'll be her chance to get out some of those thoughts that ravage through her brain. I know I'll be reading...

And Now... A Word From Our Sponsors

Today's post, brought to you in part by Sweedish Fish, Mandy Patinkin and Pick-up Sticks.

Nick Berg

Although I haven't written about it, I have been thinking about the heinous murder of Nick Berg. I just can't believe there isn't more public outrage at the massacre of this man. That it's already left the news cycles only adds to the travesty.

It's most shocking in its simplest statement:

  This innocent man was brutally beheaded at the hands of others.

It ought to shock us. It ought to wake us up. It ought to fuel our resolve.

The New York Post OpEd piece reflects in part what I think we ought to be feeling.

I'm in shape... round is a shape...

The following are my currect alternatives to actually loosing bonifide weight.

1. Get a haircut, at least I can feel like a new man for a few minutes.
   
2. Replace bathroom mirror with funhouse mirror.
   
3. Remove bathroom mirror all together.
   
4. Tell everyone I'm putting on weight for my next movie roll.
   
5. Explain that my heavy breathing is actually interest in what they're saying.
   
6. Refer to climbing single flights of stairs as 'antiquated'.
   
7. Save tags on older 'tight fitting' clothing and sew over labels of replacements.
   
8. Grow full beard to cover tripple chins.
   
9. Encorage daughter to play with me like an adult - cards, Scrabble, channel surfing, anything not requiring extranious toddleresque movement like jumping, running, walking, crawling, or standing for too long. Her stunted developmental growth? Cross that bridge when we come to it.
   
10. Two words: elastic waistbands.
    
11. Start next new dieting craze: The Egg Salad Sandwhich and Dr. Pepper Diet (TM).
    
12. Detail the brilliance of Orson Wells, Marlon Brando, John Candy, Raymond Burr and Pavoratti.
    
13. Face the facts; when the next great famine comes, I'll live just a little bit longer than most others.
    
14. Blame it on my current sedentary job.
    
15. All the extra energy would just be used to accomplish things anyway, and who wants to raise the bar like that?
    
16. Tell others that letting yourself go has certain advantages, then quickly change the subject when they ask about those advantages.
    
17. Watch for me on the next episode of ABC's Extreme Makeover
    
18. Keep telling my wife, "There's just more of me to love."
    

The More Things Change...

It seems like Blogger has been striving to make changes to its service lately... some for the good, and some for the, well, less elegant.

Case in point, the newest interface is clunky, in my opinion (maybe I just need to get used to it) - yet they've added comments. I was just able to find my way around everything added last time, and now I've got to do it all over again.

Hey, if you ask me, it wasn't broke. No need to reinvent the wheel just to add features - which I can only hope work. For example, I really liked having everything (posts, edit area, calendar, etc.) all under one window. I know, how about a 'blogger classic' interface option with the new features installed..

Blogger, if you're listening... you may be loosing me to greener pastures.

Time

Why is it that mornings fly and afternoons drag?

Childhood Memories

Requested by my Mom, this mother's day (which is probably the only reason I actually made the list). This list reflects just some of my memories of childhood in Portland during the mid 70's and 80's. It will make little or no sense to most who read it (a perfect blog entry by many standards). Posted here for nearly no reason. Enjoy...

1. Doing my Jimmy Durante impersonation
   
2. Burning a hold in the carpet with a lighter and covering it with a towel, leaving a bowl of cereal near by to throw you off
   
3. Scraping paint off the porch ceiling to paint it
   
4. Throwing up in a coffee cup, riding in the station wagon, during a trip back from the Saturday Night Wrestling midget car races
   
5. The little black and white TV sets and the stereos for Christmas
   
6. Idaho trip and the breech calf being born (pulled out by Uncle Morris)
   
7. Christmas and Thanksgiving with the Pfeifers
   
8. Christmas morning trips to Prineville
   
9. Family picnics, especially at Aunt Mabel and Uncle Clyde's
   
10. The accident that took out a tree and three cars on our street
    
11. Dr. Donkle, Dr. Base, Mr. Wendle, The Couple down the street, Uncle Tiny, The Klinks, The Lulays, The big family across the street, The Moores, The Leonards, The Andersons
    
12. Grandma playing the piano in the hall
    
13. A trip to Mail-Well with Grandma to pick-up Dad’s check when Katie was born
    
14. Uncle Charlie, Sour Kraut, Pickled Pig’s Feet, and Saturday Night Wrestling
    
15. Uncle Dick smoking a cigar and holding Sugar upside down by her feet at Christmas.
    
16. Mail-Well First Aid classes
    
17. Playing Bill Cosby, The Bickerson’s, The Smothers Brothers & Redd Foxx records
    
18. Walking to Edwards and all my teachers and most of the kids who I went to school with
    
19. Long trip around Oregon (Sea Lion Caves, Oregon Caves, The Oregon Vortex)
    
20. Coming home from outdoor school to find the mural in my room
    
21. Tracing coasters with Grandpa Larry
    
22. Neil Diamond, Barry Manilow, John Denver, Bluegrass concerts
    
23. YMCA swimming lessons, Piano lessons with Jeanine, T-Ball & Little League
    
24. Roller Skating Birthday Parties at Oaks Park
    
25. Before there was a deck, before it was covered, before it was enclosed
    
26. The storage locker at the meat cutters
    
27. Candy bars at Mail-Well
    
28. The Foot-Long Hotdog place on Hawthorne
    
29. Climbing the tree in our back yard
    
30. Salisbury Stake, Cream Tuna, Cheese Balls
    
31. Dad’s black lunch box
    
32. The Big Green Desk, The Big Furnace Grate, The Porch Swing, The Side Yard, The Pantry, The Door from the kitchen to the playroom, The wood railings on the front porch, The dining room
    
33. Watching ‘Silent Running’ and being so sick I sounded like a robot
    
34. When Uncle Jim lived with us
    
35. Dancing like a dog with Mom and Kate
    
36. The ‘Make Me Laugh’ incident at the Andersons
    
37. Foster kids
    
38. Mr. Chin, Sugar, Lovie
    
39. When everyone smoked
    
40. Dad’s motorcycle, The truck with a band-aid and smiley face, the big red Suburban*, the little brown Honda, Grandma’s little green Hornet, The Blue Nissan Truck*, The El Camino*, The White Carolla*, The blue car you gave to Uncle Jim (* all involved in an accident with me behind the wheel).
    
41. Mom’s poodle haircut, Dad’s beard
    
42. All of Grandma’s moves and all of Uncle Jim’s weddings
    
43. Rancho Flowers, Fred Meyer before the remodel, Lloyd Center when it was exposed, KFC, Arctic Circle
    
44. Fishing on Lost Lake and Deep Sea fishing with Dad
    
45. Building the fence with Dad, Upholstery, Say It With Wood, ‘Helping’ dad downstairs
    
46. Abbott & Costello reruns on Saturday afternoons
    
47. Mom having to yell from downstairs muttiple times from me to finally get out of bed and get ready for school
    
48. Before there was cable
    
49. Frog Lake trip with Moms and kids
    
50. My Red Schwinn with backpedal brakes
    
51. Legos
    

HI Daddy!

I just got a call from my amazing daughter. How wonderful. You just don't get it if you don't have kids, but the charge I get out of hearing her voice on the other end of the phone when I didn't expect it is amazing. She, her Gram and Mommy went up to Seattle to see a good friend and her brand new baby girl. I'm batchin' it. I have so much to do that I'm not sure I'll enjoy the quiet - of course, I'm not sure if I can still enjoy quiet, especially when they're so far away.

Bye Bye Ol' Jalopy

We just donated my truck to Volunteers of America. My loving wife was the one who named it 'The Ol' Jalopy'. For quite a while now, it's had a hard time going in reverse in the morning, it's headliner was drooping quite a bit, and it had its share of dings, scratches, and parts just not working like they used to.

Hey, that sounds an awful lot like me... I hope my wife doesn't find a 'Donate Your Husband' program.

So now, I'm minus four keys on my keyring - two belonging to the truck and two that haven't served a purpose for quite a while. I feel like a new man - or at least like I have someone else's keys in my pocket.

To Be Filed...

Under 'Stupid Warnings'

On the wrapper of a bar of hotel soap: "Not for human consumption" - OK, so my question is, who was it that consumed soap from this hotel, got sick, sued the hotel, and facilitated the printing of this warning on the soap wrappers? Stupidity or genius?

Under 'Stupid Directions'

"To get a toilet seat cover, first pull up (arrow pointing up), then pull down (arrow pointing down)."